the very confusing yellow raincoat

Less than a year ago, I celebrated the book signing of my first book "The yellow Raincoat".  The yellow raincoat for me was a symbol for the shield that protects me from all life miseries.  Wearing it, I still got wet, my boots still got slimy and all muddy; muddy enough that I needed to wipe my feet on the mat before I could get anywhere decent, I still felt cold, but it was all within the shield of knowing who I truly am, loving her (me) and accepting the rain, the mud, the storms as well as the rainbows all as essential gifts of one natural, magnificent life.

In my last article in the book, I mentioned that sometimes I lose my yellow raincoat or rather have it misplaced somewhere, and have to search for it, but before the year - in which I wrote the book ended - I did find it.

Well, I lost it again!! and this time for a very long time, almost  a year.  I think I searched for it in almost all the possible places; in rest and pause I searched, though not long enough.  In different countries and cities of the world, I searched, though not consciously enough, in hindsight, this is what I believe.  In fun and the "good life" with pleasures and candies, I searched, but it was short-lived.  At work, I searched, too, found it sometimes, but not for very long, and not really deep.  I found it when I was giving my workshops, sort of forgot the inner mess, and danced with whatever came in the room, yet, afterwards, I was too tired and went back.  Inside myself, excavations took place night and day, only a spray of resonant moments were found, but none agreed to stay.

And so, I decided to search here.  In this part of me that does not come out by order or command, or request.  It comes only when I finally hit the keyboard; writing, the blog.

To start with, I am not sure exactly what I am searching for; yes, my yellow raincoat of course, but is it now for my authenticity? or my well-being which is terribly down the drain, or my peace of mind...or my resilience....or simply my never-ending quest for joy??

I think it is good to write about those beautiful things, and my wonderful yellow raincoat when I am that lost, after a year of internal mess and fatigue, though a year of achievements as well, because I think, if I find it again, well there are 2 main benefits:  1- I will have the damn recipe.  2-  You will have it too :)

Enjoy...hope we both do :)